Simple Woman's Faith

“A testimony is declaration of God’s power, built from personal struggles and experiences.”- unknown

Dear Readers,

Four years ago, I was accused of lying about my testimony and past trauma for attention. I was told that my writings were causing division for sake of views. I tried to defend myself, but I saw my voice was slowly being stripped away. I was angry, frustrated and confused being that the accusations were done by those whom I believed to be close.

See, I had done everything to be careful and honest. I did my best to be truthful while also being respectful to those that could be affected by eliminating them from my testimony all together.

I put myself out there for the public to do with the information at will. I knew that I was going to be questioned about my faith and I was. I knew that I was going to encounter conversations that would baffling and I did. I also knew that whatever I put out there was going to criticized and scrutinized.

I knew that was part of running a blog and social media, but I was unprepared on how to have those conversations that I was going to encounter. To this day, responding has not been my greatest strength but I did try my best and I was able to learn along the way.

I learned two things when running a blog and Instagram account. 1.) Strangers will encourage and motivate you to keep pushing forward. 2.) When it comes to those who “know you” they don’t encourage , motivate nor root for you.

That was the painful reality that I was truly unprepared for. I couldn’t seem to understand at that moment.

For those that think they know someone will struggle with finding out that there is more to them behind closed doors. Instead of accepting what was revealed they stay ignorant and reject what they learn.

In my case, those that knew me were never that motivating, encouraging and I heard more negativity from them than not. Lets slow down here, there is a small handful of folks that I have interacted with who do not have a “negative” bone in their body.

When I came to the Southwestern region of Wisconsin, I became fully immersed in an Adventist community. I attended the church on Saturdays, church school during the week and almost all the activities that were on the calendar. I was constantly interacting with peers and church members daily. When I was not with fellow Adventist, I was working for my father and step-mother. There was rarely a break for me to have “another life” as one would put it.

So, when I came out with my testimony, it was a shocker to those that “knew me”. here is the thing, it’s not that hard to hide mental disorders and illnesses, addiction and half of your personality being that it’s all up in the head. I learned early on to hide the truth while also showing a portion of myself.

So Why Share My Story?

I know what it is like to become addicted at 9 years old to pornography, for it rewired my mind and corrupt me. I know what it like to become suicidal when it comes to bottling up what my mind was going through. I know what it like to not see a future for myself, to not have hope. I know what it was like to not have any confidence, self esteem or self worth.

I know what it is like to be mentally, emotionally and financially abused by my parents. I know what it was like to sexually abused by an ex. I know what it is like to be abandoned by the ones who should hold you close and love you the most. I know what it is like to deal with demonic activity.

I see the youth, the pain, discord amongst and I see those searching for answer but unable to get it. Instead of sitting back and watching, I am her to do my part the best way I can. That is to write, to be a voice that I think the younger generation might be able to read and understand where I come from.

I spent years of feeling shame, guilt, hopelessness, unworthiness, crazy and suicidal. I did not know who to go to, nor how to approach the subject that needed to be spoken. I was stuck in the endless cycle that kept me from moving towards a healthier life. My body, mind, emotional and spritiual life was filled with toxins.

When I first started writing, I felt alone when it came to being a girl with a porn addiction. I wanted to bring awareness. What I found out was that I was not alone I was not the rare bird amongst the common birds. I was receiving messages and comments from women all over, sharing with me their story.

I believe that God had put on my heart to share the trials and tribulations, the lessons that I had learned and what God has done in my life. My story, is a story of redemption and healing. God did not forsaken me at my worst and darkest times in my life, he was fighting with me and for me. While I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, He knew it was there.

Everyone has their own story!